Status: Living Together

Alexander Wang tank, AA mesh cross-back bra, F21 silk pants, Steve Madden pumps, F21 necklace

I finally caught up on my shows last night and watched the season finale of The Office and Grey's Anatomy.  Let's start with Grey's - O.M.G.  YOU GUYS.  That was CRAZY!  That's the 2nd week in a row that show made me cry.  Also, I'm so glad that Meredith is no longer "dark and twisty."  Frankly, I was growing tired of her mopiness.  And for god's sake, can you fix your hair?

The Office?  So cute!  So I'm sure everyone is assuming that Jim and Pam are expecting - well at least that's what I'm assuming.  The first thing that popped into my head was, "wait, are they married?"  And then (slightly horrified with myself and my Catholic Guilt) I reasoned, "well, it's not like they HAVE to be married in order to have a baby.  I am PERFECTLY OK WITH THAT."

Which led to me thinking about these marriage counseling classes that Fiance and I have to take.  Per my family's insistence, I'm getting married in a Catholic church, which requires a series of marriage counseling classes.  I asked some friends that have been through the class whether or not I should disclose that Fiance and I already have a house together and are living together (in sin).  From the gathered responses, it came down "it depends on the church and whether they're cool with it."

Cut to this past Sunday where I registered as a parishioner at a particular church where we'd like to have our marriage ceremony.  There was a space to circle your status:  

Single / Married / Widowed / Living Together.

Seriously?  "Living Together?"  That is a relationship status?  UMMM.

I nudged one of my bridesmaids who offered to come with me to the registration.  I pointed at the options.

"What are you going to put?" she whispered.

"I don't know!" I hissed.

I left that question unanswered while the registration meeting continued, including a portion where the priest pointed out a Catholic Update article about cohabitation before marriage.  I weighed my options.  There's always a chance that the church denies your marriage application, though I doubt cohabitation would warrant a reason not to marry a couple.  On the other hand, there seems to be something intrinsically wrong with lying to the church (damn this Catholic Guilt) - though I'm not even practicing and largely disagree with the Catholic church.  Also, would we have more to gain from being honest in our counseling classes?  At the same time, I don't want to have to sit through a series of classes where someone is trying to convince us that our lifestyle is morally wrong and that one of use needs to move out before we get married.  I briefly considered being honest to prove a point, but who really wants to argue THAT argument?

The meeting was beginning to wrap up and the priest told everyone to turn in their forms at the front of the room.  I quickly circled "Single" and brought my form up to the front.

I guess I'll see how this turns out.

On a positive note - ANOTHER WEDDING PLAN MADE!

39 comments :: Status: Living Together

  1. Wow, who knew that "Living together" was a status lol. I saw that episode of The Office (company picnic one right?) and I thought it was very sweet when he got all excited about the news. Love your outfit, the back is so hot!

  2. thanks for the heads up.. now i know i will circle "single" when i get married hahaha.. i'm on point with your catholic views, being raised catholic.. damn the catholic guilt, i tell ya. i thought u were wearing a jumpsuit, fierce! and i'm sooo buying that bra right now.. the regular cotton spandex ones are my go-to bras!

  3. Congratulations on your wedding plans!
    Love this outfit!!
    And your tattoo looks very interesting too!


  4. hahah the Catholic guilt! I am not Catholic but my husband is and we got married in a Catholic church. I guess you could say that the church we go to is a little more laid back than a place like the Sacred Heart Co-Cathedral. Our priest was my hubs family friend so he knew we already lived together. What I was worried about most was the sex question. Thank goodness never asked us that.

    Our marriage prep classes were a little different. We had what they called sponsor couples. They paired us up with a couple they thought we would like and went over the marriage prep book and the older couple was able to ask us questions and tell us about their own experience. I thought it was really neat. And because I am not Catholic they did ask me why I was not going to convert, but they never pressured me.

  5. I am not even Catholic and I have the worst Catholic Guilt ever.

    Here is the the thing...Marriage is a already hard in itself, so at the end of the day, the only two people that have to agree and feel comfortable with the decisions are the two of you. If you guys are together in whatever decisions you make then the rest just works itself out.

    How come, no matter what life throws at you, you still always look amazing Phi!

  6. if that's the shirt w/ the mini front pocket-- i have the same one in white!

  7. where are you getting married? we had to do this personality/compatibility questionnaire and unfort. we did it during a time that hubby and i were having 'great turmoil' so we answered most of the questions honestly (big mistake)... suffice it to say our priest was very wary about our getting married and had to have a meeting with us to discuss our red flags!!!! it was so embarrassing. luckily, we had a family friend who is a priest who stepped in and offered to 'counsel' us. and in the end everything was fine. so yeah u definitely don't want to have to have a sit down to discuss living in sin or whatever.

    the worst of all the sessions we had to attend for marriage prep was the natural family planning one. the entire time they were tryin to talk science and how it works and hubby and i kept looking at each other like W.T.F. and the couple who were giving the talk had like 6 kids or something. yeah, u think it works?!

    oh and GREYS ANATOMY finale i watched twice on DVR. frikkin good. meredith needs to look less sleepy. i thought she was so cute on old school and she just is looking old now!

  8. haha my parents were so not letting me co-inhabit prior to marriage.. but then i didn't even get married at a catholic church.. so you're better than me in that aspect!

    and HELLO tank!

  9. LOL. That was so funny, it's amazing how the church can make you stressed out about a decision you've already made! Yeah, what do you do? Do you LIE and then feel guilty? Or do you tell the truth and risk either them denying your application or getting a lecture about how you're "living in sin"?

    My BF and I talked about getting married and his family is are devout Catholics, and even though I don't practice, I was baptized, but there are all these classes I would need to take to get confirmed before we even consider getting married. I told him I would do it once we get engaged because hello, that's a big decision.

    Anyway, back to your outfit, it's super cute. LOVE your make-up. Please tell me what lipstick you use! I love how it's a berry color and it doesn't over-power the rest of your make-up. Great look!

  10. Love how you did your hair again!
    On another note: if you're a non-practicing Catholic and you largely disagree with the the Catholic church, you should marry the way your fiance and you want to. Especially since you said you don't want to sit through those classes lol. I wouldn't want to either haha. Good luck though.

  11. Love how your red lipstick looks against the grey jumpsuit! You look great!

    And my god, I went to Catholic elementary school and I had no idea it was that intense.. Living Together as a relationship status!??

  12. This comment has been removed by the author.
  13. Love your style missy!

  14. Cute pairing! I keep wearing my tank with fitted bottoms (shorts, skinnies), but thanks to your post, I'll try it out with something more voluminous!

    Thankfully our pastor never asked us if we cohabitated. I think I would have felt too bad telling the truth and would rather fib to spare the lectures!

  15. If we had to get married in a church, I probably would have did the same thing.

    Both of our families are devoted Catholics but they didn't force us to have a church wedding. What's weird was my bridesmaids wanted us to get married in a church because it was "the right thing to do" or "it's better for your marriage". They freaked out when I said we were getting married in Vegas. It wasn't like we were getting married in a drive-in chapel with Elvis.

    We had a fab wedding at the Bellagio and didn't regret it one bit. The food and flowers were top-notch which is what we really cared about. At the end, it's your day and you should do whatever makes the two of you happy.


  16. I'm more of a LOST fan. But I really need to catch up on my office too.

    I think I'm going to order those f21 silk pants...looks great on you.

  17. love this outfit! i thought it was a jumpsuit at first, but to know that it's not makes this outfit even more chic! (not that i don't like jumpsuits, its just that you made it look like it...but not :P)

    and congrats on the engagment! i love "love" :)

  18. Hot and so cool outfit! Beautiful hair as always!

  19. The MAC 187 brush? Do you mean the Duo Fibre one? Unfortunately my ass is broke so I can't shell out that much for one item lol.

    Right now I'm on the search for a good liquid foundation, too. What one do you use? Since you did mention the airbrush effect, I was considering getting the Maybelline Dream Liquid Mousse because of the reviews and the fact that people say it's known to create the same effect as the brush.

  20. Don't worry girl....I've been living in sin, too *gasp....*

    Congratulations on your engagement! It's going to be a lot of fun planning it!

    Btw, love love love your & tattoo. I'm too chicken sh*t to get any I'll just sit here & admire yours ;)

  21. I am so contemplating on whether or not I should leave this comment.

    1) I think you should have been honest on the application. God is about loving, caring,sharing and giving. God does not judge you or anyoneno therefore priest has no right to judge you or deny your application. If the priest judges you, he violate God's law.

    2)When I come to a priest or a monk for advice, I would be 100% honest with them because they are just like me, human being and not living God.

    3) You will find that every religion teaches us to practice love. But it is a previlage to be getting married in a church, your father walks you down, your groom is waiting for you, beautiful flowers, decoration, beautiful songs, friends and family waiting to welcome you. It's very magical, you will declare your love and committment to your life long partner in front of God, spiritual leader (priest), and your loved ones that this is the man you vow to be with through thick and thin. You did the right thing, congrats on the wedding plan.

  22. r u getting married at sacred heart? thought i read in one of the comments that u were. we were married there. r u doing the vietnamese mass? we did our classes there too. yeah. sucked.

  23. Anonymous -

    Thanks for the comment. I totally welcome any sort of constructive feedback (whether on fashion or religion), especially when it spurs discussion.

    1. I agree that God is about love, understanding, and not judging. However, as you pointed out, the priest has his own will to act as he will, even if he has no right to do so. At the end of the day, the priest CAN choose to judge me since the priest IS human. He can violate God's law all day long.

    2. I agree that priests are human. See response #1.

    3. I believe that my father can walk me down the aisle, have my fiance wait for me at the end, with beautiful flowers, decoration and songs, with my loved ones surrounding me, AND in the presence of God and priest, without having the ceremony in a church.

    However, I do love my parents and I know this is important to them, which is why I chose to be married in the church. THIS is the reason why I believe I did the right thing.

  24. I agree with you your reasoning regarding 1, 2, and 3.
    Here are my shares:

    1) Actually, if you don’t know, no priest holds any personal right to not accept or approve your marriage application whether or not he likes it or not. I have tons of friends who live together, had children and decide to get married and the priests at the church where these couples were/are married are well aware of it. I must say American priests are much more laid back and understanding than some old school Vietnamese priests.
    2)If you are catholic and whether or not your finance is catholic and he will or will not convert, I think the priest will make you go through what called confession because during the wedding ceremony you will also be receiving communion and therefore you have to confess your sin. Trust me; the priest will be okay with it, if you decide to tell him about it then that’s fine too. It’s not a big deal.

    3)If I have anything related to moral issue that I need advice, I will come to the priest for advice because he is more knowledgeable than I, but at the end of the day, its the relationship between God and I that I care about, I know that the priest know if he condenms me after hearing my dark secret, he owe God an explaination, and least deep down he knows that.

    4)After all, whether or not you tell the priest, it is okay, he doesn’t know, but God knows, it’s more of the matter of the kind of relationship you have with God.

    5)I am too catholic, and one of my big obstacles to overcome with my current relationship is the religious issue, and I am still not sure where it will head. I was born and raised catholic, I wouldn’t say I am the most devout catholic, I did lots bad things, and I sin like everyone else too.

    6)I try to attend weekly service simply because I find it beneficial for myself. The words and wisdom that I learn helps me to be humble and less selfish and therefore I feel more up-lifted. I agree with most of the teaching simply because the message I learn from God is much deeper than words can describe. I don't think my belief is valid and other's are not and or my God is better because GOD IS ONE though understood by different peoples in different views or terms. I don't try to come off as lecturing impose my belief on anyone; these are only words to share my view.

    7)I think you can even have an outdoor wedding with a catholic priest to preside the nuptial; however I am sure that there will be additional papers required to get permission from the church. Close minded Vietnamese priests will not like this idea, but it can be done. Though you will still have to go to the marriage prep classes at church. I’ve heard the classes at American Catholic Church are much more laid back, and do not prolong for classes months like at most Vietnamese Catholic Church. It seems like Vietnamese are so formality and sets up lots of their own rule. This I don’t like. Most churches will want the couple to have 4 to 6 months waiting period before you get married simply because they want to make sure they couple are ready for marriage.

    8)You’re having a church wedding to please your parents, if you parents only cares about having a catholic priest to preside your wedding, just FYI even a catholic destination wedding is possible; you just have to talk to the priest to find out what are your options and what you need to do in order to have the wedding of your dream, and still make it right under the eyes of your parents if the catholic way is the only way to go to please them

  25. I love this are gorgeous!

    I totally agree with you on the office/grey's. It's funny, I thought the same thing when I realized she was prob preggo!!!

  26. ha ha, that reminds me of when my fiance and I initially got engaged. He said I was allowed to do anything concerning the wedding but his only request was to be married in a church. Just the registration form alone made him so nervous and he felt guilty about his whole life (we've been living together for the past couple years...among other things). Guess he didn't want to face his "sins" - now we're getting married on a golf course, lol

  27. i really wanted to get married at st. anne's cuz i went to elementary and middle school there, but i had to get married on a certain date and i thought it was retarded that i'd have to wait 6 months to be a member before i could even request a date that they may not have!! plus, the parish secretary was being a complete bitch. i was so pissed. it made me feel really annoyed that i had to jump thru hoops just to frikkin get married!!! she was like asking me all these questions about where i lived and how i shouldn't even be qualified to be a parish member because i wasn't in their zones or whatever. what are they, an exclusive club or something??? so MAD!!!!!!! ugh.

    anyway, im not telling you to lie but maybe a little white lie won't hurt. even tho priests are not supposed to judge you (GOD IS THE ONLY JUDGE) they are only human and you know that they do. just my opinion. this is why i hate going to confession. their 'penance' that they give you varies depending on how nice/understanding the priest is. why should they pass their judgment and their penance on you when only God can?

  28. you are absolutely adorable!

    and I feel you on the way you view Catholicism...everyone tells me I am more religious than I think. I refuse to go to church because I don't pay attention anyway, amongst other things I am a "sinner" for. But...if I do go to mass (for a wedding or funeral lol), I won't get communion because I haven't been to confession...i just kinda do weird stuff like that.


  29. Where do I go to buy NYX? I always see people have it, but never know where they sell it! I'm going to the store today to buy every single red/berry shade possible, lol. I adore your look!

  30. Btw, these are some intense conversations. That's great that everyone is open and respectful of everyone's opinions, whether we're all on the same page or not. Kudos to everyone.

  31. LOVE your silk pants! And can't believe the church would have 'living together' as an acceptable status, haha! :)

  32. my fiance & i have to go through the same thing. we r still debating if we should even have a church ceremony or a ceremony at the reception site. we would like to have it at a church but i want to have a condensed version of it & not sure if we will be able to find a priest / church ok with that... anyway love the silk pants! i love silk !

  33. love this look!

  34. I made a call-out to my love (and quite possibly new obsession) of your lipstick / lipgloss. Still on the hunt!

  35. WOW! how glamorous!!! love how you can see the bra on the sides. ♥


  36. Hey! Love your outfit!! Jasna xxx

  37. you've been JINXED



  38. TRAM. OMG. I just watched Grey's. I got CHILLS. An actual physical reaction. I was too shocked to cry. And I didn't cry at the last episode bc I was chatting w/ you. lol. Seriously though, O.M.G.

  39. Um. Ok. This is ridiculous, but apparently the Grey's finale was TWO EPISODES. This is what happens when you fall so far behind! You might watch part 2 before part 1! Whyyyyy.

Post a Comment